We’re all walking around on this planet carrying internal pain. Many times, without our realizing it, our coping mechanism for this pain manifests itself in the form of judgment. We’ll never truly be happy, however, until we release our pain and stop the cycle of judgment.
Why? Because judgment negatively affects our happiness as well as our health. It’s not just a mental thing. Pain, judgment and negativity can affect us physically because they lead to stress and, as we’ve learned, stress is the underlying cause of nearly every disease.
You may think that you aren’t guilty of judging others and that this doesn’t apply to you, but being judgmental can present itself in many forms, some of which may seem completely innocent. When we realize and acknowledge that we are judgmental, we start down a pathway to discovering our pain.
Today I want to share three practical tips for releasing judgment and finding contentment.
- Use your core judgments as a tool to identify your own pain. It’s very common to judge others who embody a past hurt. Think about it. We judge the stereotypical “pretty girls” or “mean girls” or “jocks” because we were bullied by these types of people in our youth. Or perhaps we judge someone with a lot of wealth and material success because we grew up poor. As a parent, we might judge someone whose kids are acting up at your neighborhood pool because it makes us feel better about our own parenting skills. Looking beyond the need to make a snap judgment to the “why” behind that judgment can be a helpful self-discovery tool to identify your pain.
- Release your own perceived deficits. We often judge others who we perceive to have something we lack. By tearing them down, we feel better about ourselves. One way to stop judging others is to address and heal our own insecurities, removing the need to tear down others. If your self-esteem is healthy and you feel good about yourself, then you won’t need to boost yourself through judgment. Look at your areas of insecurity and work on those areas of weakness. Work on that hair-trigger response to instantly judge someone (even if it’s something as seemingly “harmless” as rolling your eyes when a celebrity or someone of influence in your social circle posts a “perfect” picture on Instagram) and replace this action with self-reflection. Ask yourself: why am I so quick to judge? You could even start a “judgment journal” and document the times you feel this way. Touch your heart and ask yourself about the origin of this pain. You may be surprised at what you discover about yourself through this practice.
- Be quicker to give grace than judgment. Sometimes we judge others for benign behaviors, while sometimes our judgments are reserved for the behavior in others that we truly disapprove of. While it’s ok to recognize mean, insensitive or destructive traits in others, judgment is never healthy. Try to be empathetic and understand that that person is likely acting out of their own pain and insecurities, just like you are when you judge them. Give them some grace and put yourself in their shoes; it might not change the behavior but will help soften your heart towards it. Depending on the situation or person, you could even take this a step further and ask them if they would like to meet for coffee. Hurting people do hurtful things. Help them not to hurt and it will help your own heart. As the Bible says in Romans 2:1, For when you judge others and then do the same things which they do, you condemn yourself.
Remember, internal pain can hold you back in every area of your life. As I’ve mentioned before the pain, the trauma, the failure and the hurt you’ve experienced can grab hold of your unconscious mind and memories for years. I’ve seen my Healing Code method help thousands deprogram these negative heart issues. Unlike traditional therapy, which essentially rehashes the same issues over and over, the holistic groundbreaking methods I share here on my website and in my books heal these memories that hinder our healing.
A spirit of judgment is one just way our hurt manifests itself. I hope that the Healing Code helps you reflect inward, release your pain and regain positivity in all areas of your life. I can’t wait to hear what you learn about yourself on this journey!