When we’re making decisions, we commonly try to gauge our choices by which one will make the biggest difference in our lives. Would that money make us happiest going toward a new 80” TV, or paying off the house, or set aside for a nice vacation? These sorts of determinations mostly come from our unconscious programming, so we may not even know why we’re making the choice we do. The one thing that is virtually always the difference-maker in all areas of life is your relationship with your spouse, significant other, or intimate partner. By “intimate,” I don’t necessarily mean “sexual.” I only mean a deep, committed closeness.
Right off the bat, our first problem is basic definitions. In my experience, 99 out of 100 people think of love the wrong way, as did I for the first 28 years of my life. How your committed, loving relationship goes typically determines more about your life than anything else, down to your health, success, and relationships with other people—and of course, if you’re starting from the wrong assumptions in the first place, you can expect problems!
We are literally built and programmed for love. In her bestselling book Who Switched Off My Brain, Dr. Caroline Leaf shares research that we have zero mechanisms in us for the negative. Every single mechanism we have is for the positive: body, mind, and spirit. So if we experience a negative, it means something is malfunctioning. In this case, the easiest way to identify the malfunction is by looking for any emotion in the anger family—irritation, frustration, resentment, bitterness, and the feeling of being overwhelmed or hopeless. That’s the flashing light on your dashboard, letting you know that your brain is tuned to fear rather than love. When you’re living in love, you may experience frequent disappointment, but without the hard feelings or loss of peace. But that’s not how most of us live. The fact is most of us have been living with that warning light our entire lives. Because if everyone you know lives that way, how would you know it’s not normal?
It’s important to understand just how crucial this issue is, and I could give you study after study for days on end. For the sake of time, I’ll stick to two of the recent world-shakers. One of them was featured on the front page of USA Today. Not the front page of one section, but the entire front page, which is unusual for a research study, but completely justified. This study followed over 10,000 subjects, and found that if a person has strained, conflicted, or otherwise stressful relationships, they are 300 percent more likely to contract a disease and die by middle age. Conversely, if their relationships were harmonious and enjoyable, they had a 300 percent greater chance of remaining alive and healthy well beyond middle age. Please understand that in the medical field, for matters of life and death like this, a 20 percent change is headline news—300 percent is almost unprecedented!
One more, the longest and most expensive study ever performed on the human condition was the Harvard Grant Study. 75 years, thousands of subjects, and some 20 to 30 million dollars in funding. The final report summed the study’s results up in five words: happiness equals love, full stop. “Full stop” meaning this is the ultimate point, end of discussion. In other words, if you don’t have love, it’s virtually impossible to be happy no matter what your situation.
If 99 out of 100 people are tuned to a fear-based relationship mode instead of love, that could easily be everyone you know—and of course, it most likely means you as well. In this month’s All Access program, I’m going to help you identify the perfect definition and the best possible steps to living out true love, and help you turn off the fear mechanism that has you programmed for failure, health problems, and broken relationships. This will include three new custom interventions, formulated specifically for this course to deprogram and reprogram these particular issues. So if you have a spouse, a significant other, or a committed partner and you think it’s possible to be even a little happier than you are now, don’t miss this opportunity to make your lives and relationship better than ever.
Have a blessed, wonderful day!