We spoke about the importance of submission with regard to love.
If we don’t submit, we are likely to cascade into a spiral of hurt, pain, and (ultimately) danger.
Why danger? Because we are more susceptible to falling victim to our addictions and habits.
Previously, we covered:
- The definition of love, and
- The secret to love
Now we cover how to love in the third, and final, part of our ‘How to Love’ series.
But there are a couple of definitions I would like to run through first:
THE LOVE FORMULA
Empathy feelings + Actions of submission = Love – Viola!
THE DEFINITION OF EMPATHY
It is that simple!
The seed won’t grow into fruit if we don’t give it time. Therefore, empathy is the ability to take time, understand, and share the feelings of another in order to grow a relationship into something fruitful.
So, where are you on that? How good are you at it?
This is what I want to discuss today.
GENEOLOGY, SUBMISSION AND EMPATHY
This week there are 10 things I want you to find out about your family and those around you:
- WHAT THEY’RE KNOWN FOR
- 0-10 SCALE OF POSITIVITY FOR YOU / WHAT IS THE POSITIVE RATING?
- 0-10 SCALE OF NEGATIVITY FOR YOU/ WHAT IS THE NEGATIVE RATING?
- IS THERE ANYTHING MAJOR TO YOU ABOUT THEM?
- POPSICLE MEMORY- DID ANYTHING MAJOR HAPPEN IN CHILDHOOD FOR THEM?
- FIRST THOUGHT
- FIRST EMOTION
- THE PERSON’S HISTORY
I want you to go through each of the 10 above and look for threads that run through you- things that you might recognize in yourself.
For example, do you have severe health problems? Do those run through your family?
When we look back into our family histories we often begin to notice patterns in behavior, health, and trauma. Recognizing traumas is the first step towards healing them (and ourselves).
True healing requires knowing how we got to where we are and unhealed traumas, if not unpicked, can hold us back and prevent personal progress. Alternatively, the good things we find can be harbored and built upon.
This week’s homework is very important and I don’t give it lightly. I promise you will never throw this away.
True empathy involves embracing the negative alongside the positive and it’s an extremely difficult thing to do.
To really empathize, we need to understand, share, and then submit. This is how we love!
Submission, as we discussed last week, means to accept or yield to another’s will or circumstances; it is a powerful tool that allows us to access real love.
So, when we look at those around us and run through the 10 points above, if there are negative associations we are making, we need to use empathy to heal them.
We need to find a way to understand the person's point of view, share their feelings, and submit. It is the only way to heal our negative associations with that person.
For example, my grandfather beat me several times when I was younger and I negatively associated that with him. By looking back into my grandfather’s history, empathizing with his circumstances (and how those traumas got passed on), I began to understand him more. I put myself in his shoes and shared those feelings of his pain.
By submitting to God and asking for help to heal, I began to heal the bad memories despite them remaining active.
Only when we do this can we transition from a place of pain into a place of love. And when you’re in a place of love you are better equipped to help other people.
YOUR EMPATHY HOMEWORK
I want you to choose some people close to you and run through the list, trying to answer each one accurately and honestly.
I then would like you to try and empathize with this person until your feelings are at a +7 to a +10.
Finally, try to submit. Be the person willing to absorb the most pain.
Transforming from a state of hate, anger, and selfishness to true love (and love for others), consistently, can completely change the composition of our relationships.
This is what real wealth looks like.
However, openness means vulnerability and potential to experience rejection or hurt. You might not find that every relationship transforms, but even if it changes your relationship with one person, it will be worth it.
Are you willing to try?
I believe it is all about love in this life and if you dig into the source of your relationship issues, there is plenty of love to be found.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
Happiness = love.
Have a blessed, wonderful day!